We're Back!

Mike Judge owns Beavis and Butt-head.

The show begins with Axel sitting in his normal spot.

"Hey folks" said Axel, "Welcome to Axel's Arena.

Well, let get right to it: as I'm sure you know by now, the single most influential team of our generation revealed recently that they are reuniting to bring their unique brand of wisdom back to a world that sorely needs it." Axel paused and looked over to his producer, "Seriously," he said with a mix of confusion and disgust?

"Just read the damn Q-card," said the voice from off-stage.

"Ah" he groaned before strapping back on his fake smile, "Yes, for far to long we've had to suffer through life without their brilliance, but that's over. So without further delay, let's welcome back 'Beavis and Butt-head!"

The crowd cheered loudly as their heroes stepped through the curtain, looking literally like no time had passed for them.

"Uh, huh huh, this is cool," said Butt-head as he stared out at the crowd.

"Yeah yeah" Beavis chimed in as he laid his eyes on a female fan in the front row, "Hey baby. How's it going?"

"SHUT UP, BEAVIS" said Butt-head as he slapped his partner in the head, "she was looking at me anyway!"

"Oh yeah, sorry bout that."

"Let me show you how to talk to chicks, you wuss" Butt-head turned to the woman and said, "hey baby. Like uh...how's it going."

"Gentlemen" said Axel, "we have an interview to get too."

"Shut up, bung-hole" Butt-head snapped, "I'm about to score!"

"Sure you are" said Axel sarcastically, "but there will be time for that after the interview, now if you will take a seat."

Reluctantly, the boys sat down and Axel began the interview.

"Alright boys, let's start with the obvious. After being away for years, MTV is bringing you back with new episodes coming soon. So the big question is, why now?"

"Well Axel" said Butt-head, making his best effort to appear smart, "it's been many years since we've been gone. And in that time the world has sucked more and more, huh huh. And It's like people don't even know that it sucks, huh huh. It's like they think it's cool or something. So it's up to us to tell them that they suck. For you see, how will they know unless we tell them, huh huh."

"Yeah yeah" Beavis chimed in, "it's like, everything sucks, and nobody cares! All day I watch TV for something cool, but all I see is a bunch of crap! I mean, maybe I'm old-fashion, but in my day stuff was cool! I mean what is the Face-book bull-crap? It's a complete waste of time: and I'm not just saying that because I can't figure out how to do it! And don't even get started on this Emo garbage! It's like these kids these days are trying to be little wussies! It's sad!"

"Yeah" said Butt-head" Twilight sucks. It's like, why even do a vampire story if they aren't gonna kill anybody? And the guys are all these little wussies. They're all like, "look at me, I'm a little wuss that sparkles and runs around like a dumbass!' What happened to blood and guts?"

"Yeah yeah, and BOOBS! And maybe some butts! Then you'd have a block-buster!"

"And what the hell happen to CD's? Now you have to have some dam computer to get music! What's that crap? If I wanted to use computers I would have paid attention in school!"

"Ok, so you're not fans of the modern age" Axel finally interrupted, "but -like it or not- it is a new age, boys. Which brings up the question, are you guys even relevant?

I mean, when you came on the scene you were controversial, even scary to some people. You show was considered so shockingly obscene that parents were afraid that viewing you show could cause their children to become serial killers. But now, in a world that's used to the likes of South Park and Family Guy, you're antics seem...well, almost tame. Is it possible for you guys to break new ground, and be as edgy and influential as before, or are you simply going to fall into a simple nostalgia act, living off past glory, and becoming a sad parody of yourself?

"Uh" said Butt-head, "what the Hell are you talking about, butthole?"

"I think he wants to know if we want to be on Family Guy, butt-head," said Beavis.

"Oh. Yeah, ok. That show's pretty funny."

"No it isn't" Beavis snapped, "that show sucks!"

"No it doesn't, dillweed! That show is cool. It has that fat guy that's always drunk, and getting into fights. And the baby is always trying to take over the world and stuff. And he's like" Damn you woman!" It's cool."

"Yeah, ok, that's pretty cool. But that damn dog ruins the whole fucking show" Beavis hissed in anger, "he's always like, 'blah blah, the government sucks! Blah blah, America's sucks!' And I'm like, well if you don't like it butt-hole the GET THE HELL OUT! NOBODY IS MAKING YOU STAY HERE! AND HOW DARE YOU PUT DOWN THE TROOPS! MY DADDY DIED IN VIETNAM SO YOU COULD SIT ON YOUR ASS ALL DAY AND EAT CHEETOS! HOW ABOUT YOU SHOW SOME RESPECT YOU COMMON PINKO!You know, I'd like five minutes alone with that little punk! I'D SLAM HIM IN THE NADS! THEN I'D RIP OFF HIS ARMS AND SHOVE THEM UP HIS BUTT! YEAH!"

"Shut up, Beavis" said Butt-head as he delivered another slap to Beavis, "that dog would kick you sorry ass! And your dad wasn't in Vietnam, you don't even have a dad! You just have a big slut mom who does it with everybody!"

"Uh, oh yeah" said Beavis, now much calmer, "sorry, I just get like 'passionate' or something."

"Ok Boys" said Axel, making one last attempt to get the boys to focus, "I think you might have missed the point of the question. Your show -great as it was- is a 90's show, maybe even -dare I say- THE 90's show. And that's what give me concern about the revival.

How can Beavis and Butt-head fit into this world without losing their idenity. I can't see you guys using cell-phones, going on the Internet (especialy after what I've heard today) downloading songs onto an Ipod: hell, even the kind of no-nonsense rock and roll you guys listen to ( and it REALLY pains me to say this) seems to have all but vanished from the public's mind. I mean just the idea of two modren teens walking around with AC/DC and Metallica on their shirts seems a little out of place. So how can you guys fit into this world in a believeable way, without lossing the very qulities that defined you in the first place. In short guys, what are you supossed to do now?"

Beavis and Butt-head looked at him a momment and Butt-head finaly said, "We're gonna do the same thing we've allways done, dumbass! We're gonna sit around on a couch and make fun of the world! Because the world is dumb and desevers to be made fun of!"

"Yeah yeah" said Beavis, "why change a good thing? As long as stuff sucks there will be people that says it sucks. And who better than us?"

Axel turned this over in his head a momment and finaly said, "well, sounds like as good an answer as any. Guys, good luck. Well, that's our show, Goodnight folks."

"Hey Axel" said Butt-head, "can you introduce us to that Skyler chick?"

"Yeah, yeah," said Beavis?

"Come on guy, nobody remembers her."

"FUCK YOU," a girl yelled from off-stage."

Yes guys, it's true Beavis and Butt-head are back. MTV has ordered new episodes. Don't know when they'll be coming out but I'm happy! Yes, I'm alittle worried they'll ruin it, and that worry will probably grow in the coming days, but for now I'm happy.

MTV don't fuck this up lick you do everything else, you BUT-MUNCHES! Huh huh.